I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
