Pappa wants mamma naked
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
