i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
