So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
