I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
