Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
