Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
