I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
