im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
