Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
