Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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