its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
