Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
