Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
