Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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