Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
