Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
