I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
