ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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