Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
