i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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