U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
