you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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