Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
