I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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