You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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