New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
