I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
