Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
