Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
