Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
