There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
