I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
