After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
