The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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