The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
