So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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