My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
