Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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