I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
