Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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