I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
