At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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