the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
