Say something about gay babies.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
