they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
