They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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