never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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