There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
