Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
