I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
