quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
